


Forced Retirement

by Madisuzy



Series: FF8 Musings [2]
Category: Final Fantasy VIII
Genre: Angst, Drama, Family, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-07
Updated: 2011-03-07
Packaged: 2017-10-18 00:38:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/183080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madisuzy/pseuds/Madisuzy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Laguna turns fifty just after losing his Presidency to a younger contender.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forced Retirement

"Kiros, where is Laguna?" Squall asked, pausing beside his father's best friend. The party for Laguna's fiftieth birthday was still going strong, but the guest of honor was noticeably absent from the throng of people celebrating. Squall found himself concerned, knowing how much his father loved to party, even to the point of making up events to do so. The Tomberry ball last year was one Squall would never forget, no matter how much he may wish to. Honestly, did people really believe that the creatures needed a charity event to raise money for them to buy new knives?

"He said he was going to work on his memoirs, but I suspect he is moping in his room again. Losing the Presidency has hit him hard, Squall," Kiros replied, lifting the glass in his hand as his eyes watched the various guests around the room. "I was just about to go and check on him again, so don't be concerned. You should be enjoying the night and meeting new people instead of worrying about him."

Rolling his eyes, the Commander of Garden leant back against the wall beside the other man. "I'd enjoy the night more if I were moping with him," he muttered, finishing off his own drink and idly swirling the ice around in the glass. "I'll go and check on him. I'm sure you'd rather stay and dance with the ladies anyway."

Kiros' glare caused Squall's lips to twitch up on one side in amusement as he pushed himself off the wall and left without giving him a chance to argue. These events in Esthar were always the same, a meat market of unmarried socialites who wanted nothing more than a husband with a known name. Squall didn't even feel guilty as he watched two approach Kiros as the dark man was the one who'd insisted on throwing the public event, the last one that they would ever hold in the Presidential Palace. Yes, his intentions were good as he tried to pull Laguna out of his depression with such an event, but the fact the ex-President was hiding in his room thoroughly showed the failure of that strategy.

Squall paused at Laguna's room, noticing the light was still on from the glow coming from under the door. He knocked but when no answer was forthcoming, he peeked inside. Laguna was fast asleep at the desk with his head on his hands and as Squall grabbed a blanket off of a nearby sofa and spread it over the older man's shoulders, sheets of paper covered with Laguna's handwriting caught his eye. Surprised Laguna had actually been writing, Squall picked them up and began to read…

***.***

_Have you ever had the feeling that you're invisible? As if suddenly, nobody around you really sees you anymore? I don't mean literally, of course. I am still here and they still talk to me, say hello as they pass me by and such. What I mean is, that feeling when you realize that there is no one in the room who really sees you, the inner you or personality, if you like._

_You become a title, a name in a crowd that is just, well, there. Taken for granted like part of the furniture… and old chair in the corner that's seen better days. Yes, there's some value in it because if it was gone, it would have to be replaced but there is no appreciation for its existence, nothing that makes it stand out from the rest of the furniture anymore._

_Maybe I'm just over thinking things… maybe I should be thankful that at least I have Kiros._

_The fact is, I've felt like this for weeks and the time that passes doesn't seem to dull my fears. I can't even put my finger on when it happened, the exact moment that I became background noise instead of the chorus line. Before you start muttering about my ego, I have to point out that I never even wanted to be the chorus line but over time… I suppose it grew on me. Honestly, who doesn't like attention? To walk into a room and have strangers know who you are and want to talk to you, even laugh at your jokes whether they are funny or not. It made me feel like I mattered, like even though I am far from a perfect being, that I'm enough to garner affection despite my faults._

_Pity the whole thing had nothing to do with any real kind of affection. People loved the President, not me. They wanted to talk to me because of my position, not because of who I really was… not that I remember who I really was before anyway. Holding a title like that for so long does that to a person, apparently. You become the job and lose yourself in what you do._

_I was never prepared for the other side, the downward slide into obscurity. Why did nobody tell me? A little warning would have been nice but hell, what am I saying? I suppose, most people with any common sense would have just known it was coming. Maybe there's some truth to the comments that I live with my head in the clouds, or up my own ass as my son would say. He never was backwards in coming forwards, a trait that would have endeared him to my own father, if they'd ever had the chance to meet._

_They would have gotten on like a house on fire, but to me, it would have just been another example of being left out. Of not catching onto what everyone else seemed to just know but I could never get a grasp on._

_It's not like I haven't spent my life trying to make people like me, but maybe that's the whole problem. Maybe I try too hard, lose myself in trying to be what others want me to be instead of who I really am. Revert to the clown because hell, at least when people are laughing, they're not throwing insults or punches._

_It's been so long since I was just me, too many years lost to being what was expected, never stepping outside of the box that others slotted me into. What am I supposed to do with my life now? Squall doesn't need anything from me anymore, drowned in the same kind of crap I wasted my own life on._

_Serving the people for the good of all… what a load of shit._

_It's more like being enslaved by the people and the 'good of all' never includes the ones throwing away their lives to achieve it. Chained into others expectations by our own twisted sense of honor and what for? So once we are too old, we are simply cast aside?_

_It kills me to see Squall fall into the same trap that I did. He works his best years away protecting the masses and sorting out disputes between half wits who do nothing but try to scratch out a little more power and money to make themselves feel important. Pathetic when they'll just end up like me in the end, thrown out of office to be replaced by a fresh face, half their age. Life is certainly for the young, that much I've managed to learn, if nothing else._

_I'd give anything to save him from it, to steal Squall away and somehow give him a normal life with a nine to five job, where his weekends were his to with whatever he liked. Sitting up all Saturday night playing poker with his friends and sleeping in on Sunday mornings maybe… boring, normal things that most take for granted. Things he'll never have at the rate he's going._

_Turning fifty and getting thrown out of office for being too old and stale may have hurt, but seeing him disappear completely into that damn job of his, hurt far more. When I first met him, I never imagined he could get any more withdrawn and work obsessed. Shows just how wrong I can be, doesn't it? Only one of the orphanage gang is still beside him, Irvine being stubborn enough to keep trying to push Squall into living and even love him, despite Squall's attempts to push him away. The others all left over time, less dangerous jobs calling some while others followed their hearts into marriage and child rearing._

_Love is probably the one thing Squall needs more than anything else though, and at least with Irvine, he has that much. I've seen them together when they thought nobody else was around and it was beautiful. The look in their eyes when they embrace is enough to make my poor old heart miss a beat. Funny how we both ended up with someone so wonderful, despite having no time to give our partners the attention they deserve. Maybe they are our reward, our prize for everything we've done to hold this civilization together._

_So, once again I've wondered off on a tangent. It wouldn't be me if I didn't, I suppose, but I should at least attempt to get back on track. Invisible… my dictionary has two meanings listed and the second one fits my present public status the best._

__  
**Not prominent or readily noticeable.**  


_After all that time in the public eye, maybe I should just stop whining and enjoy being a nobody again. Maybe if I wasn't so damn old, I'd be more excited by the prospect of all that free time._

_The only thing I have to look forward to now is 'relaxing'. How damn boring. I suppose Kiros glaring at me in the morning when he finds out I've spent another night writing crap that is in no way publishable as my memoirs, is excitement in a way. There's no unknown there though, as by the time the sun is high in the sky, he will have forgiven me again, as he always does._

_Maybe I'm too old for the unknown anyway. The comfort of having Kiros there and knowing he's never going to leave is the only thing that holds me together some days, not that I'm ever going to let him find that out. He's far too smug already._

_Having someone to grow old disgracefully with does make me realize how lucky I am though. Most aren't so fortunate… so maybe I should just shut the fuck up and appreciate what I do have, instead of mourning what I've lost._

_Damn, I hate it when Kiros is right…_

_***.***_

Smiling, Squall went to put the papers back, only to find Laguna looking up at him sleepily. "Don't you know it's rude to read people's personal musings without their permission," he mumbled, yawning as he pulled the blanket tighter around his shoulders.

"I'd never get to read any of your work if I waited for your permission," Squall replied, not guilty in the slightest. "It's good," he added, nodding at the papers as he put them back on the desk.

"You really think so?" Laguna murmured, sitting up as the compliment seemed to wake him a little more.

"Yes, I really do. Not suitable for public consumption though," Squall replied, still smiling at the older man. He understood Laguna's duress, knowing he himself would be lost without his position. "Bed time, old man," he finally murmured, shaking off the thought as he pulled Laguna upright.

"Old man," Laguna grumbled, shooting his son a glare. He paused to grab the papers off the desk and throw them into the trashcan before taking a few steps and stopping, winching as his leg cramped up. Squall was at his side in a heartbeat, letting him lean on him for support. "If you're here to cheer me up, you're failing epically," Laguna muttered.

Squall chuckled, assisting his father onto the nearby bed. "As your son, what else would you expect from me?" he teased.

"Oh hah, hah," Laguna muttered, crawling into bed and holding a pillow over his own face.

"Dad, stop sulking. You should have known you wouldn't be President forever and planned for it," Squall scolded, pulling the pillow away to find wide eyes looking up at him. "Lucky for you, others know this fact well enough to plan for you," the Commander added, mock glaring at his father.

"There's a plan?" Laguna questioned, rubbing one eye.

"Yes, thanks to Kiros. After all the work he's done organizing things, the honor of telling you all about it will be his."

"Awe, come on Squall! It's my birthday and you never gave me anything… you could at least tell me the plan as a kind of present," Laguna insisted.

"No. Besides part of the plan _is_ my birthday present to you," Squall retorted. "Now enough talking. The quicker you go to sleep, the quicker tomorrow will be here."

Laguna sighed, muttering his impatience into his pillow as he settled down and closed his eyes. As Squall went to walk past the desk again, the papers in the trashcan caught the Commander's eye and he retrieved them quietly, folding them and slipping them into his pocket before leaving the room.

**~THE END~**


End file.
